Friday Funnies

For discussing everything that isn't kayak fishing...
User avatar
Schecter
Posts: 672
Joined: Tue Jan 07, 2014 8:37 pm
Kayak Make: Viking
Kayak Model: Profish EVO IV
VHF Call Sign: ZMW8098
Location: Auckland

Sat May 03, 2014 6:31 pm

Here's hoping Goddess Gaia will keep us warm over the Winter.

Here she is now taking care of the world~
Attachments
Warmth-of-Mother-Nature--21769.jpg
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Viking Tempo
Viking Profish 440

PB: Snapper=79cm. Rogers Road, 26/10/14

PB: Gurnard=34cm. Orere Point, 17/06/15

PB: Kingfish=75cm. Omaio, 13/02/16


Manurewa Marlins RLFC. The Home of Joe Galuvao, Henry Fa'afili, Greg Eastwood, Daniel O'Regan, Jesse Bromwich,
Kenny Bromwich, Peter Hiku, Ligi Sao, Siliva Havili.

User avatar
murf
Posts: 1329
Joined: Sun Sep 02, 2012 4:26 pm
Kayak Make: Ocean Kayak
Kayak Model: Prowler 4.3 Ultra
Location: Lincoln

Sat May 03, 2014 6:51 pm

That explains the warm front this week.....

User avatar
Mental
Site Admin
Posts: 10209
Joined: Mon Sep 29, 2008 2:31 pm
Kayak Make: Stealth
Kayak Model: Evolution 465
VHF Call Sign: ZMS4156
Location: Kaukapakapa
Contact:

Tue May 06, 2014 10:31 am

Yea I know it's Tuesday but...

Phoenix Kayaks - Hornet
Stealth - Evolution 465
Ramco - Fishmaster 580 My BIG kayak!
...and the countless other kayaks I've owned

User avatar
Schecter
Posts: 672
Joined: Tue Jan 07, 2014 8:37 pm
Kayak Make: Viking
Kayak Model: Profish EVO IV
VHF Call Sign: ZMW8098
Location: Auckland

Fri Jun 06, 2014 4:07 pm



That time of the week.
Viking Tempo
Viking Profish 440

PB: Snapper=79cm. Rogers Road, 26/10/14

PB: Gurnard=34cm. Orere Point, 17/06/15

PB: Kingfish=75cm. Omaio, 13/02/16


Manurewa Marlins RLFC. The Home of Joe Galuvao, Henry Fa'afili, Greg Eastwood, Daniel O'Regan, Jesse Bromwich,
Kenny Bromwich, Peter Hiku, Ligi Sao, Siliva Havili.

TexasAngler
Posts: 27
Joined: Thu May 29, 2014 2:21 pm
Location: USA

Fri Jun 06, 2014 6:28 pm

Schecter wrote:That time of the week.
:D good one indeed.

TexasAngler
Posts: 27
Joined: Thu May 29, 2014 2:21 pm
Location: USA

Fri Jun 06, 2014 6:30 pm

Hairy Little Dwarf wrote:Finally, after dozens of email scams, dead ends and wasted time, I have finally found the perfect way to get that sought after six pack, AND still be able to eat pies and drink beer.

Behold! the Instant 6 Pack :clap: :clap: :clap:
Instant 6 pack.jpg
Think those two are from San Antonio. :P

User avatar
Peace
Posts: 373
Joined: Mon Oct 29, 2012 10:12 pm
Kayak Make: Barracuda
Kayak Model: SOT Fishing Pro
VHF Call Sign: ZMW5048
Location: Auckland
Contact:

Tue Jun 10, 2014 7:05 pm

https://trademe.co.nz/739362744" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
Stella 8000FA
Have a read of the comments before its sold :y:

User avatar
Hainesy
Moderator
Posts: 8251
Joined: Wed Sep 22, 2010 3:20 pm
Kayak Make: Viking
Kayak Model: Reload
VHF Call Sign: ZMW 2196
Location: West Harbour

Tue Jun 10, 2014 7:15 pm

Peace wrote:https://trademe.co.nz/739362744
Stella 8000FA
Have a read of the comments before its sold :y:
Priceless !!
"The trouble with common sense is that it's not too common !"

Viking ReLoad
Ocean Kayak Trident 4.3
Phoenix Hornet - "Retired"
Ocean Kayak Ultra 4.3 - "Retired"
Viking Profish 440 - "Retired"
Scrambler XT - "Retired"

ZMW 2196

Image
Image

User avatar
Fish'N'Snork
Posts: 478
Joined: Thu Feb 17, 2011 11:32 am
Kayak Make: Cobra
Kayak Model: Marauder
VHF Call Sign: The Yak ZMW2544
Location: Flat Bush

Tue Jun 10, 2014 8:09 pm

Peace wrote:https://trademe.co.nz/739362744
Stella 8000FA
Have a read of the comments before its sold :y:
Has the vibrator been regularly serviced?

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk
Less Negativity And More Positive Encouragement Makes For A Better Life For All.

New Zealand......
The Best Place in the World to live if ya Broke.

"Whole life balance, Daniel-San" ("Karate Kid").

Kia kaha, kia toa, kia manawanui ( Be strong, be brave, be steadfast and sure).

User avatar
Mental
Site Admin
Posts: 10209
Joined: Mon Sep 29, 2008 2:31 pm
Kayak Make: Stealth
Kayak Model: Evolution 465
VHF Call Sign: ZMS4156
Location: Kaukapakapa
Contact:

Tue Jun 24, 2014 9:06 am

ADFD - Do you or someone you know suffer?
adfd.jpg
adfd.jpg (71.53 KiB) Viewed 3448 times
Phoenix Kayaks - Hornet
Stealth - Evolution 465
Ramco - Fishmaster 580 My BIG kayak!
...and the countless other kayaks I've owned


User avatar
Kerry
Posts: 2082
Joined: Tue Jun 26, 2012 9:34 pm
Kayak Make: Old town
Kayak Model: Predator PDL
Location: Far north
Contact:

Tue Jun 24, 2014 12:51 pm

Mental wrote:ADFD - Do you or someone you know suffer?
adfd.jpg
Yep I have a well developed case of it lol


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Image

User avatar
Hairy Little Dwarf
Moderator
Posts: 6966
Joined: Thu Oct 16, 2008 9:39 am
Kayak Make: Phoenix
Kayak Model: Hornet

Fri Jun 27, 2014 11:21 am

GMyo3Iw.jpg
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Image
.................... "Flying Mango".......... [Up for sale, $1400]

Phoenix Hornet - Specialty Assault Craft

Dad! Dad! Look at his fish! It's way bigger than anything you've EVER caught! - Nosey 7-8yo boy on opening my icebox to father strapping down his $XXX Stabicraft 759(?) - Gold. Pure Gold.

User avatar
Pope
Posts: 128
Joined: Tue Dec 07, 2010 10:52 am
Kayak Make: Ocean Kayak
Kayak Model: Ultra 4.7
Location: Mairangi Bay

Fri Aug 08, 2014 4:13 pm


paddlesnap
Posts: 3725
Joined: Sun May 16, 2010 8:33 pm
Kayak Make: QK/Ron Augustin
Kayak Model: Torres/Seabear/ Albatross etc.
Location: Papakura

Sat Aug 09, 2014 11:32 am

Fish toon.jpg
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popper.jpg
popper.jpg (154.88 KiB) Viewed 3756 times

User avatar
Snap 4T
Posts: 760
Joined: Tue Mar 12, 2013 11:07 pm
Kayak Make: Viking
Kayak Model: Reload
Location: North Shore

Fri Aug 15, 2014 8:12 am

not sure if this has been posted but it gave me :rofl: :rofl:
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User avatar
Snap 4T
Posts: 760
Joined: Tue Mar 12, 2013 11:07 pm
Kayak Make: Viking
Kayak Model: Reload
Location: North Shore

Fri Aug 15, 2014 9:05 am

another one.... stickers that I got recently :lol:
Attachments
20140716_180207.jpg
20140716_180152.jpg

User avatar
Hairy Little Dwarf
Moderator
Posts: 6966
Joined: Thu Oct 16, 2008 9:39 am
Kayak Make: Phoenix
Kayak Model: Hornet

Fri Aug 22, 2014 7:07 pm



Copied the design, but all it did was lock the door to the house and now I can't get in!
Image
.................... "Flying Mango".......... [Up for sale, $1400]

Phoenix Hornet - Specialty Assault Craft

Dad! Dad! Look at his fish! It's way bigger than anything you've EVER caught! - Nosey 7-8yo boy on opening my icebox to father strapping down his $XXX Stabicraft 759(?) - Gold. Pure Gold.

User avatar
Limitless
Posts: 1591
Joined: Wed Apr 08, 2009 12:47 pm
Kayak Make: Viking
Kayak Model: Profish, Espri, 2+1
VHF Call Sign: Limitless
Location: Viking Kayaks, Matamata
Contact:

Fri Aug 22, 2014 7:21 pm

Snap 4T wrote:another one.... stickers that I got recently :lol:
:lol: :lol: Here's something similar stuck on the back of my trailer...
Attachments
AssWoopn.jpg
ZMS8574 LIMA INDIA MIKE INDIA TANGO LIMA ECHO SIERRA SIERRA - practised your phonetic alphabet yet?
The current fleet: Profish Reload, Profish GT, Profish 400 Lite
The historic fleet: too many to mention... the adventures since 1974 have seen lots of kayak carnage
Find me at Viking Kayaks in Matamata... you gotta love our sport!

PJay
Posts: 1310
Joined: Wed Dec 22, 2010 9:56 am
Kayak Make: Ocean
Kayak Model: Prowler 4.5 x 2
Location: Russell, Bay of Islands

Fri Aug 22, 2014 9:53 pm

Hairy Little Dwarf wrote: Copied the design, but all it did was lock the door to the house and now I can't get in!
Ah, I have the blonde model, that closes the door when I return home on my machine...

paddlesnap
Posts: 3725
Joined: Sun May 16, 2010 8:33 pm
Kayak Make: QK/Ron Augustin
Kayak Model: Torres/Seabear/ Albatross etc.
Location: Papakura

Sat Aug 23, 2014 9:07 pm

Darwinism Awards-
Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.
A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife, Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat, Gracie, looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.

Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...?

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it, dipshit,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . . .HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HELL!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles no where to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs?

The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an atempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative?

SON-OF-A-BITCH, THAT HURT LIKE HELL!!!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I shit myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!!

P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!

Submitted by Dick, Willia
Last edited by paddlesnap on Mon Aug 25, 2014 5:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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